Talking in Parenthesis

Getting ready to take the little ones and not so little ones out for trick or treating. Thankfully the weather improved greatly over yesterday. I think for the first time in a long time the kids won't have to wear their heavy coats, hats and gloves. The downside to that would be that they will want to stay out later, oh well.

Have a Happy Halloween everybody!

Well Fridays are now no longer Fridays for me. I got a job, I will be working on Saturday and Sundays. Just part time for now. But I am excited, sort of slowly getting back to real life. Although I am sure some people would say it isn't a real job. I will be working in a pet store that specializes in birds. And speaking of birds it was a lark that I got the job in the first place, I know lame pun but is all I could manage this morning. I was walking past the store on the way to Hobby Lobby, to get stuff for Franklin's mask, and saw the sign on the door. I wasn't planning doing anything about it but something stopped me and made me go back and go in. I filled out and application and she hired me on the spot. Pretty cool. But I am a little nervous, of course. But right now there is no time for that. Today I am channeling Martha. I got up early tossed a loaf of bread in the bread maker. And then the rest of today will be getting ready for the Fall Festival at school, sort of an early Halloween party thing, which means costumes. So I have to Franklin's mask and get everything else ready. Plus Clay is having his best friend over Saturday so I have to prepare for that and the other kids have party then too. So since I am officially gainfully employed I have to have everything ready before hand. I tired just thinking about it.

Not sure if this is good or bad, but here it is

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

1. Despite outward appearances I am fairly shy and would do most anything to get out of being thrown in situations where I have to meet new people.

2. I still color when I have the time. Sort of a zen like thing for me.

3. I know all the words to the songs on Lazy Town. I realized this today as I was singing them to myself while vacuuming and the TV wasn't on. I don't know if this it good or bad?

I had an imaginary friend when I was little. His name was Husband Henry. The story is I created him because of little book I had and playing house. I don't know if I am so sure about that story, I think it is what my mom thinks is cutest. I was thinking about him the other day. I think I created him because I needed a stable male figure in my life. See my dad was drinking pretty heavy then (he is sober now, 20+ years) and home life was not always the happiest. He was the one I talked to when I was scared r confused, Husband Henry was always there. In fact I was trying to think when he left and I realized I don't think he has. I think he has just changed, grown up if you will. See I have a running conversation in my head most of the times, not really to any one named person and not to myself, and I think it is the grown up version of my imaginary friend. And I don't know whether that is good or bad. I supposed it is an excellent coping mechanism, a way to get out my feelings. But on the other hand it is sad because it makes me realize that I don't have anyone to tell my deepest dark secrets to. Everytime that I sort of open up to a friend lately they seem to run screaming the other way. The latest one really brought me to my knees. I thought I had finally found a friend to be there, the whole thick and thin thing. But nope once things got a little uncomfortable for her, meaning I had problems, that was it. So I guess that's why Husband Henry sticks around, he always listens.

Just when I though things would start to relax as far as school goes, HA. Brit and Clay are fine, doing their own thing. That is the way with high school an middle school. Of course sometimes that is a bummer. I do miss that stuff for them sometimes. It now Franklin's turn for the life altering applications and decisions. Being in 5th grade he will be in middle school next year and being gifted it isn't just as simple as going to the neighborhood school. I know, I know most people would kill for theses problems, and believe me I know just how lucky we are. I count my blessing every single day. But jeez this is stressful, for all of us. Their are 4 programs that he is applying for each with their own pros and cons. And each with their multi page application, in which I have to lists all of his strengths and examples of each. I seriously didn't do this much work for my own college applications and scholarships. Then after all that is done then there will be writing samples to be submitted, portfolios in the school of the arts case and personal interviews. And this is all for MIDDLE SCHOOL. I was freaked out when we went through all of this last year for Brit in high school. Now I am all for these advanced programs. And I know Franklin fits in these programs, he needs the advanced work. And I want him to achieve his goals. But this stress of this application process, isn't a little bit much for a 5th grader? This focus, push on our kids to do more earlier is driving me crazy. You know if you kid goes swimming in the summer instead of going to advanced science class he can still be a doctor, or astronaut or engineer. There were people in these careers before we had these classes. I doubt if Jonas Saulk's mom made him go to after school science fair tutors. I am all for letting a kid run with their passions, but let them guide it. That is why we are going through the application process right now. Franklin wants to be in some of these programs, he wants to do the advanced work and in depth work. He will be in one of those programs, do the harder, high school, work. And then come home and swim, play football and have snowball fights.

Thanks to Sheila at http://musingsofamommy.blogspot.com/ for letting me play :-)

1. I had 8 different official majors in college and more unofficial majors than I can count. I started pre physical therapy, moved to pre med, biology, wildlife biology, education, political science, history and finally anthropology and sociology.

2. I watched The Color Purple for the 1000th time last night and still cried.

3. Each on of my kids first names has a family meaning and significance, with the exception of Nathaniel. By the time we got to the 4th boy were had run out of unique but not weird boy names with family meaning and just picked a name that with be both liked.

Today would be a perfect day for curling up with either my stitching or my new Kathy Reichs book. But no I have to go to parent teacher conferences today. Sigh. It has been 70-80 degrees for the last week and now today, the one day I have somewhere to go, it is cold and rainy. Further proof God has a sense of humor.

I loved this so I thought I would share it.

Denver Traffic Etiquette

Source: The Internet? Also, MyTrafficNews readers

If you like this, be sure to visit our Driving While Stupid page.

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "den-ver" not Denvah.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Denver has its own version of traffic rules...the cars/truck with the loudest muffler goes next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that.(Note: Blue-haired, green-haired or cranberry-haired ladies driving anything have right of way anytime.)

3. To find anything in Denver it is required that you know Colfax and Broadway; the Alpha and Omega -- the beginning and the End.

4. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00 a.m. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

6. You must know that "I-25 and the Valley Hwy" are the same road. Same goes for Hampden Ave, Highway 285.

7. North and south only vaguely resemble the real direction of certain streets such as Speer Blvd.

8. Highway 287 runs north, south, east and west and every direction in between; it can be found in every section of the Denver area to make navigating interesting.

9. Construction is a permanent fixture in Denver. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next days driving a bit more exciting.

10. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as drunks, jay-walkers, pan-handlers, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, truck tires, squirrels, rabbits, prairie dogs and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.

11. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches for your vehicle is recommended for city driving. Lots of "stuff" falls off or falls from something.

12. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

13. The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways -- I-25, I-76, I-225, US 285/Hampden, Hwys 87 and 36 is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Colorado's version of NASCAR. The difference is some drivers are armed and irritable!

14. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. (It maybe hazardous to your health)

15. If you are in the left lane and are going only 70 in a 55-65 zone...you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off" accordingly.

16. The trend in recent years indicates if it's 70 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

17. If it's snowing, it could well be the week after Memorial Day.

18. Highway 36 to and from Boulder is called the "Turnpike." No other highway is called the Turnpike. If someone refers to another highway as a Turnpike, tell them to go back to the East.

19. If someone refers to a highway with the article "the," as in, "The 25" tell them to go back to California.

20. A red light means four more cars can go through. Not three, not five. Four.

21. Lincoln Street is a major route into Downtown and runs north and south. Lincoln Ave. is now a major route on the south end of town, but the two never meet.

22. University and Colorado are two boulevards that run parallel. Geometry not working in the suburbs, these streets intersect south of C-470.

23. When you see an orange cone, you must stop and then move slowly until there are no more cones. There need not be construction, only cones.

24. By state law, there will be a rollover accident in the median on C-470 between Quebec St. and Santa Fe Drive no less often than once every other business day.

25. Despite the fact that Colorado Boulevard is a straight line from I-70 to I-25, it is not a shortcut, especially at rush hour. Same goes for University, which changes names three times anyway.

26. Merging rules:

(a) Under no circumstances should you ever allow anyone, in any way, to get in front of you. No more than one car length must be between you and the one in front of you, as rear-end collisions happen to other people. If traffic is merging into one lane, then you better make dang sure you hug the back bumper of the car in front of you, because you can't let anyone "cut in line."

(b) When merging onto a highway, ignore the acceleration lane entirely and move directly into traffic as quickly as possible, regardless of the fact that your current speed may be as low as 35MPH. This is especially true if you are driving a "land yacht" or some other vehicle that has low acceleration.

(c) Certainly you should never speed up to merge, even if you stay in the "acceleration lane."

(d) Assume, when your lane ends, that everyone will get out of your way. You don't even need to signal that you are moving to the next lane over. Just drive to the end of the lane you are in and suddenly move to the next lane, whether there is a car next to you or not is irrelevant. You are driving the only car that counts.

27. NEVER yield at a yield sign. The yield sign is like an appendix, it once had a purpose, but nobody can remember what it was.

28. When the roads are wet for any reason, assume that all traffic laws are void. Stop signs, red lights, etc. are mere decoration if it is snowing.

29. Four wheel drive vehicles can drive as fast as they want no matter what the road conditions are; doubly so if the driver is talking on a cell phone at the same time.

30. Highlands Ranch comes with its own rules. Like most suburbs, they have only four actual street names, and then differentiate them with street types like Road, Drive, Court, Trail, Turn, Deadend, Way, Path, Meandering, etc. Unlike most cities, however, there are double solid white lines at some intersections. Crossing the lines will get you a ticket in Highlands Ranch. Speeding, no, but crossing those lines WILL get you a ticket.

31. Just because a street on the east side of town has the same name as a street on the west side, does not mean you can drive on that one street to get from Denver east to Denver west. See 6th Ave., Alameda, Orchard, etc. There is only one exception: Colfax.

32. When you see the sign for the exit you need, aim for the right shoulder, as many times additional lanes will spring up fully formed between you and the ramp you want. This is especially true at DIA when you are heading toward the East terminal.

33. When you have finished changing lanes on either I-70 or I-25, hit the brakes.

34. When giving directions, be no more specific than "Near the intersection of. . ." If you are half a mile away from the intersection, that's fine. Always give directions with reference to the mountains, i.e. "turn towards the mountains," even when giving directions at night or downtown where you can't see the mountains.

35. Although it takes just 3 cars to create a traffic jam on I-25 around Thornton Pkwy., state law requires all drivers in the northern suburbs to get onto I-25 on Friday afternoon. This fosters the image of Denver as a bustling city of industry.

36. Don't ask what that smell is at US 85 and I-270. You do not want to know. If small children ask what the smell is as you go past the dog food factory on I-70, say something vaguely scientific, such as "It's just photosynthesis."

37. Any activity downtown is surrounded by eight other activities downtown; if you find a close parking space, treasure it like gold.

38. You can head west and turn north while taking the exit from southbound US 285 to westbound C-470. You can drive southeastbound on the Northwest Parkway. The sign from Santa Fe southbound to Hampden westbound reads "South." This is why Denver directions are "out," "up," "in," "down" and sometimes "over."

I am pretty sure he is doing it again. Yes that is vague statement, but it is about all I can admit to right now. To myself or anybody else. I wish I could confront him. I have some in the past, and of course oh now it isn't what I think or even a couple of times it has been my fault. I have long since come to terms with I will never be enough him for him, that I am not his ideal. That was hard to deal with them, but I am resigned to it. It is the fact that he might be having a relationship with somebody else. I know something was going on with Erin, he told me that it was just talk, and joking, flirting that got out of hand. I found those e-mails, didn't seem like nothing. But yet I go on like noting happened. WHY? What is wrong with me? He is pulling away again, just like before. Is it Erin? Or how about the one he left AMM for? Hmmm that was a banner moment, when he tells I changed jobs because I was so attracted to her. Wow I feel so good about myself now. I just don't know what to do. I guess retreat deeper into myself. It is safe there, they know me there.

Turned on my yahoo music thingy this morning. I think more than anything else in my life music has the power to change my mood. Transport me as it were. I have on the 80's Alternative channel, and there are many songs on their that just make me smile, just make me happy. I think in essence I have a soundtrack to my life. There are certain songs that I hear, no matter what I am doing that make me happy, take me back to something great in my past. And there a certain songs that will knock me to my knees. With either sadness, anger, or both. Of course the worse it the ones that make me go into myself. Get lost in my own head, that s not only hard on me sometimes,but hard on the people around me. I can be having a great day, hear the right (or wrong) song and I turn on dime. To me there really is no such thing as just a song. I now that smell is supposed to be the most powerful sense. The one that makes you remember everything. Well maybe for some people, but not me. For me it is sound, mostly music. There are very few songs that don't have an association to an event in my life. The good, the bad and the ugly. Songs are tied to people, places and events. Some songs have more than one tie and that depends on my mood, I guess, to which comes out. I used to in college make tons of mixed tapes, ones for different moods. I really should figure out how to do that now. I think I need a new toy, mp3 player...

Found this and thought they were fun

Your Brain's Pattern

Your brain is always looking for the connections in life. You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first. You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker. You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white.

You Are Balanced - Realist - Empowered

You feel your life is controlled both externally and internally. You have a good sense of what you can control and what you should let go. Depending on the situation, you sometimes try to exert more control. Other times, you accept things for what they are and go with the flow. You are a realist when it comes to luck. You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random. You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you... But you do your best to try to make your own luck. You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order. You realize that working the system does get you further. You know who to defer to and who to control. When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly.

You Are a Seeker Soul

You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges. You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions. Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist. Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!). Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others. And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you. You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically. Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas. Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

I want to feel normal, and I don't. Of course that begs the question what is normal. I don't know really what it is but I am pretty sure I am not. I am not sleeping again and I don't know why,. Actually that isn't true, I know why sort of. I just can't shut off my head. And it isn't earth shattering things that are running through my head. Not like it is bills or something like that, it is stupid stuff, like what flavor cookies to bake for the Halloween party, with project to stitch next, imaginary conversations with people (you know things you wish you had said) that type of thing. I even sometimes talk to the cats, who think I am nuts, I am, depending on how you look at it, blessed or cursed with a husband who falls asleep about 10 seconds after his head hits the pillow. I envy that most days. I literally have to be exhausted before I can sleep, so I watch a lot of TV, not that I have a lot of choice at that hour or I listen to talk radio. I seem to fall asleep better with talk than music. The music tends to make me think, like the song is the trunk of a tree and the thoughts branch out from there. I think that is why I try and do more that one thing at a time. Like I never watch TV without either reading, stitching, or doing a puzzle. There are a few times when I really concentrate. Like watching movies, I tend to lose myself in a good movie. Same with a book. I feel like the story, whether a book or movie, is a success if even days afterward I am thinking about what the characters are doing. Almost like they were friends, I guess that is why it bothers me when my favorite characters die. And that is both the writing and the acting.
But back to what I started with, I am pretty sure I am not normal. I guess I look normal, most people treat me normal. I don't know I can't put my finger on it but it is there a sort of nebulous feeling. I know my tastes are different than most people. I get sort of a perverse jolt out of feeling out those little get to know you questionnaires everybody passes out on the web. Well that is until somebody makes a comment on one of my answers. I don't comment on your white bread type favorite musicians or actors so don't call mine weird, odd and creepy. Why when you are a little different do people feel like they can comment on things that normally you are too polite to say? Because I have a big family I get some of the most outrageous question in the line at the supermarket, from Are they all yours? (no, I picked up some in the parking lot), to how much you spend on food? (why, are you offering to help?) to the more personal, do you have a TV? (oh hahaha), or haven't you guys figured out what causes that? (I haven't figured out a snappy comeback t that one yet that does sound dumb, any idea?) or my favorite, are you going to have anymore ( jeez if I thought you needed to know I would have included you on the newsletter). Good grief that was long sentence, my comp teach would be horrified.
Well I got off subject yet again. I guess my point was I just don't feel normal.

I love the fall. Now granted Colorado doesn't get the range of colors that say New England does. But we get some beautiful trees. And for me finding the reds and oranges are like gifts. I love walking with my 2 youngest during the fall. They are so excited about the leaves and collecting ones that are their favorite. In fact I love going places with them anytime. I know it sounds cliche but it is almost magical looking at things through their eyes. So with that in mind Alli has decided to help with this blog today. This is her list of her favorite things about fall.
1. Picking up leaves
2. The different flowers
3. My kitty wants to cuddle me more
4. The birdies flying and honking
5. We get to play in the snow sometimes (remember this is Colorado and we got 6 inches here this week)
6. HALLLOWEENIE
7. Mommy decorates

I am sure she has more but Dora came on and moms computer thing can't compete.

It being Saturday I haven't done a whole lot today, the beauty of the day. What have I done? I did some minor straightening up, made 2 apple crisps ( the season just cried out for them), read the paper, stitched some on the never ending project and watch Criminal Intent. I love that they are showing them from the beginning on USA. I can't always remember all of them so it is treat to rewatch some of them.

Of course the other thing I have done today was feel guilty for doing nothing. Which is just silly. I spend all week on the go and a lot of weekends. I should be able to have a weekend of just doing relaxing things. I think that is one of the problems right now. American women feel like we need to be superwomen. Whether we are stay at home moms or work out of the home. And it is crap. Not every minute of the day needs to be taken up with stuff. The kids don't need a lesson, or a sport or an activity every second of the day And need every second of the day taken up with "quality" time. I hate that phrase. Sometimes quality time is just being. Now that Britty is in high school some of our best "quality" times have been side by side in the kitchen, him doing his chores and me cooking. Now the parenting gurus probably wouldn't consider that "quality" but I tell you I get more of an insight in to what is going on than real sit down time. And while I am thinking of it I don't like most of those parenting guru types anyhow. I am sick of everybody trying to be their children's friends. My kids have plenty of friends, what they need is a mom and dad. People are so afraid of making their kids mad, etc that they are letting them run wild. Everyday after school the boys have 5 or 6 kids come ask them to play. And I mean right after school, barely time to get home from school. Now my kids are allowed out only after homework is done and chores are done. Not one of these kids have the same rules and I know at least they have the same homework. It never ceases to amaze me the number of parents that don't value school and basic discipline.

What if the hokey pokey IS what it's all about?

After the walk down the audio memory lane yesterday I started thinking. Thinking about the things I missed about high school and college. I think it is the friendships, having a good girlfriend or 2. I miss the inside jokes that I used t have with Stacy. The names we had for the guys we liked, so we could talk about them in front of them ad they would ever know. Marching band that year was so much fun. I hope my kids can have the same type of memories I have from high school. I know Brinton thinks he has the whole world on his shoulders and so much responsibility. I did at that age. I hope he remembers to lookup a few times and just enjoy. I sound like Ferris there, lol. I have been thinking how and why I drifted apart from those friends. And I think it is a pretty easy question. I was the first one of us to get married and have kids, by quite a few years. They were still in the footloose and fancy free part of their life and here I was with a husband and kids. The saddest part from me is I don't think I will ever have friends like that again. People that except me warts and all. People who don't think I am a freak because of my choices because the understand me. I have had close friends since then but nothing like that. Frankly most of my "friends" I have had since then are because they needed something from me. Either to solidify their position at work or to easy their own guilt and everything in between. At this point in my life I am happy to have a few friends. Nobody too close. My family, because my true best friend is Ron. And basically live in my one head, it is okay they know me there. That may sound sad and like I have given up, but I am tired of being hurt and disappointed.

My goals for the next couple of years are go back to work part time and go back to school as close to full time as I can. I think I am most happy when I am learning. So with all of that I don't really have room for people that aren't 100% there for me.

So is this where you thought you would be almost 20 years after college graduation? Honestly I have no idea. I was listening to Yahoo radio this morning, one of those 80's mix stations. And what comes on but Open Arms. Takes me back to all of those "slow song" bands, Air Supply, Journey etc. The parties my friends and I had in the basements, with our folks upstairs. Hmmm, we must have been in junior high school, freshman in high school at the oldest. We were a pretty calm crowd, the "activities" kids. You know band, choir, Spanish club, newspaper. Yup those kids. And now I have kids that age. I have no idea when that happened. It seems like just a few years ago, that I was dancing with Bill Schmoker in the basement, decorated with crepe paper and colored light bulbs in the sockets. I can still remember all of the feelings. The excited and sick feeling in your stomach. The warm spot on your back where the guys hand was touching you. And the absolute terrifying thought, Was he going to kiss you? And not knowing which you wanted, both were scary. And jeez we couldn't dance, it was more swaying to the music, but it was so much fun. I think those parties were much more fun than any when you get older. High School was scary. One wrong move, we were so worried about saying the wrong thing or wearing the wrong thing, or doing the wrong thing. College was basically alcohol fueled. I had fun at those parties, but your guard was never down. And now as a "grown up" parties usually have different meanings. A way to network, kiss up to the boss, that kind of stuff. Nobody will scream when Jesse's Girl come and grab their girls friends to go dance. Maybe if we did that folks wouldn't be so stressed. Maybe what we need is a good basement party. Full of your friends, your records and slow dancing with that jumpy feeling in your stomach.

I sat down to write about how nobody was nice to each other anymore, but for some reason it doesn't seem t be coming together. I know there is something, just simmering below the surface that needs to come out but I don't know what it is. And I don't know how to articulate the feeling. There is so much I want to write and need to write. Maybe that is the problem, volume, there is too much trying to get out. My brain, as usual, is on overdrive. I would love to have somebody to just spill everything to. But usually when I let just the smallest part out I scare people away. The last friend that I thought I had did that. When I needed a friend just to listen, not to fix things, just listen, she couldn't do it. It made her uncomfortable, I make her uncomfortable. It became clear to me that she was friends with me for reasons other than pure friendship. It think it was mostly out of guilt. And the fact that she didn't answer me when I raised that subject proved it to me. Oh well. I guess friends, close friends, like that might never be in my future. I will focus on my family and myself. There is a lot I would like to do with my life and I will focus on that.

Boy so much for me updating everyday. I should have known better. Life tends to get in the way, well at least my life. There is always somebody to call, an email to respond to, and stuff to do with the kids.

Well the school year is in full swing, a routine has started. Which will only be disrupted as soon as my daughter' s real bus starts instead of the temporary bus stop that she is using now. Which is a whole other story. Everything seems to be going well with all the kids. Everything is smooth for now, so far I haven't felt the need to storm the gates. That however may change next week, when I have the yearly IEP meeting for one of the boys. It will be my first in this district and I have no idea what to expect. If I am going to have to fight for everything like before or if I am going t get actually cooperation. I am hoping for the later but planning for the former. It is usually is the former. Usually a fight for everything.

Today is also hubby and I' s 15th anniversary. How that seems like such a long time. And a long time compared to many of our friends. They are either on their 2nd or 3rd marriages or just getting started. Sort of makes us feel older than our peers, the old married couple among youngsters. By no means is our marriage perfect but it is good, strong and to quote Dr Phil, a soft place to land. And I am not at all sorry or feel like I am missing the swinging life. I did the sowing of the wild oats during college. I am looking forward to being young enough to enjoy my grandchildren, to travel as an adult with my husband and have a career after the kids are gone. Yes somedays I want to hide from everything and everybody. And somedays I would like to go shopping and sit n a coffee shop for hours. But when my youngest looks up at me and says I love you Mommy. And then tells me that she wants to be a Mommy like me when she grows up. And then sitting in coffee shop or going shopping in little doodad shops mean nothing. There is plenty of time for those things. And frankly they aren't that important to me anyways. I would rather stitch after everybody has gone to bed. That is my zen thing.