Talking in Parenthesis

Ramblings and angst from a mostly stay at home mom

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us. It is in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. -Nelson Mandela

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Missing

After the walk down the audio memory lane yesterday I started thinking. Thinking about the things I missed about high school and college. I think it is the friendships, having a good girlfriend or 2. I miss the inside jokes that I used t have with Stacy. The names we had for the guys we liked, so we could talk about them in front of them ad they would ever know. Marching band that year was so much fun. I hope my kids can have the same type of memories I have from high school. I know Brinton thinks he has the whole world on his shoulders and so much responsibility. I did at that age. I hope he remembers to lookup a few times and just enjoy. I sound like Ferris there, lol. I have been thinking how and why I drifted apart from those friends. And I think it is a pretty easy question. I was the first one of us to get married and have kids, by quite a few years. They were still in the footloose and fancy free part of their life and here I was with a husband and kids. The saddest part from me is I don't think I will ever have friends like that again. People that except me warts and all. People who don't think I am a freak because of my choices because the understand me. I have had close friends since then but nothing like that. Frankly most of my "friends" I have had since then are because they needed something from me. Either to solidify their position at work or to easy their own guilt and everything in between. At this point in my life I am happy to have a few friends. Nobody too close. My family, because my true best friend is Ron. And basically live in my one head, it is okay they know me there. That may sound sad and like I have given up, but I am tired of being hurt and disappointed.

My goals for the next couple of years are go back to work part time and go back to school as close to full time as I can. I think I am most happy when I am learning. So with all of that I don't really have room for people that aren't 100% there for me.

Posted by Megan : 9:38 AM :