Talking in Parenthesis

I am annoyed. There is something wrong with my computer, the video card or something. I have no idea, but that is what hubby thinks it is. So I am forced to use the laptop. While yes it is cool, I just would rather have my own computer. All of my bookmarks are on it, so I haven't been able to read my normal morning things and that has put me in a bad mood today. It has also given me a huge headache. And I could really do without the headache today because I have way too much to do. I need to get stitching on the bookmarks for the kids teachers. I need to get those finished in the next few weeks. I am supposed to go to the school for Nate's Super Citizen award and I just don't think I will be able to make it for that either. Bad parent, I know. But these people don't seem to understand that I have six kids and the spur of the moment part of my life is long over. Plus I am trying to get everything done during the week since I am working weekends now. I hate to have to come home and do a whole bunch of stuff like laundry.

It is days like this that make wonder what the heck was I thinking wanting a family let alone a big family. But then Emma will walk over kiss me and say I love you mommy, this much. Holding her arms out as far as she can. And walk away. So she wasn't looking for a soda or a bite of what I am eating, she was just saying it because she felt like it. Then I remember why I wanted a family and why I even bothered to open my eyes today. Sometimes things are so overwhelming, not knowing where to turn or what to do next. Days that you just want to slide down the wall and cry. Then there are other days when Britty is in his uniform, representing the school, Nate winning Super Citizen, Clay running cross country, Franklin making honor choir, etc. Or days which are just normal, going to the park, going to the store and they are happy. Really truly happy that I can't imagine why I was having a problem at all. I guess that is keep me from running screaming on the bad days. The remembrance that the good days far out weigh the bad days. And as bad as the bad days can get the good days are always better.

Now if I can only get my personal person in as good as shape as the family. If I could remember the good things about myself. If could like myself and be comfortable in my own skin. Become the person I really want to be. That is my next goal. And instead of saying I am going to start one myself Monday or even tomorrow I am going to start today.